Revising With Strunk &White, and Williams: Taste the Rhetoric (Revision)
I chose to revise my You Tube commercial essay according to two very important style guides. One is The Elements of Style by William Strunk Jr. and E.B. White. The other is Style: Toward Clarity and Grace by Joseph M. Williams. Both style guides make good use of examples and provide guidelines for writers across ability levels. For my You Tube essay both guides proved very useful in revising the structure, grammar, and thematic elements of my essay.
What I borrowed from Strunk and White mostly came from the rules on pages 2-9 and 21-31. In my writing I noticed a lot of usage errors with my commas and semicolons. Rules three and four in Strunk and Whites Elementary Rules of Usage helped to alter a number of sentences in paragraphs 1-4. In fact, for better or worse, often my revisions of long sentences throughout my entire paper were remedied by placing parenthetic expression between commas (rule 3). I dare say that I used these usage rules as fail-safes for mending long sentences because that would be ignoring the myriad of other advice in Strunk and White’s guide. Although the grammar usage of commas and parenthetical statements according to Strunk and White also allowed me to notice how incredibly long-winded my sentences and paragraphs were. Strunk and Whites rules on grammar usage caused me to consider the overall flow of my essay and their guide, as well as Williams’, contained interesting suggestions that helped my topic flow.
During the revision process I became increasingly aware of how I tend to craft long sentences. I noticed that most of my sentences have an average of twenty words. According to both style guides long-winded sentences usually indicate a lot of unnecessary and omitable words. I also found a number of sentences that were easier to comprehend when I split them in two. There was even an entire topic which I omitted because I did not think it was received well by the reader. I am referring to my yin-yang analogy of grammar and style. This topic is introduced at the end of paragraph three and is not followed up with a discussion. According to Williams each topic should be followed by a discussion and since my yin-yang analogy was just an abstract thought floating in the paragraph I decided to omit it.
Although my essay still contains a majority of long sentences I started looking at ways I could improve what Williams refers to as the cohesion of writing in order to make my essay more succinct. First off I want to point out that Williams’ note on cohesion in the first paragraph on page 51 is the basis of my argument for my You Tube essay. It was my opinion that clarity and cohesion are the most necessary elements for stylistic writing despite everything else that is implied by both style guides.
Williams says that the cumulative effect is the writer’s most important concern which is why I stopped looking at individual sentences and moved on to revising the topics and their sequence in my paper. I started by splitting up a number of paragraphs because they contained two or more topics. Splitting up my paragraphs should help the reader to contextualize the argument of my essay despite the fact that my thesis isn’t formally stated until paragraph four. I feel that prolonging my thesis is a necessary sacrifice for the overall cohesion of my essay.
It is clear to me now that I found Strunk and White handy for grammatical queries as well as repairing proper sentence structure; whereas Williams’ style guide helped me the most with getting my essay’s big picture across to the reader. In light of this I rearranged my paper substantially compared to its original submission according to Williams’ topic flow in his diagram of style. I started by making sure that all my paragraphs held an essential topic. Next I fashioned my paragraphs to present old/familiar material first and stressed new/unfamiliar material at the end of sentences. Also, in keeping with Williams’ diagram, I presented paragraph topics at the beginning and stressed my points of argument toward the end of discussions to mark points of conclusion.
There were a few key topics which I tried to latch onto in order string together essay and improve its topic flow. One key topic was persuasion and its effects in advertising and rhetoric. I tried to keep persuasion prevalent throughout the entire paper in order to support my argument for cohesion. In most of my paragraphs the issue and, or discussion is attached to the persuasion level of the Skittles commercial. The question of what is style is another key point that surely helps the reader to understand my argument, no?
As I mentioned earlier, I used both style guides to improve different aspects of my essay. Strunk and White were very helpful for cropping well manufactured sentences and Williams helped improve the flow of my essay. I am very glad to have both style guides at my disclosure because they have certainly allowed me to become a better writer with the implementing of their suggestions.
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(Here is the revised edition of my You Tube Ancient Style essay)
Taste the Rhetoric: Discovering Style in Skittles© Ads
Recently I’ve begun to question what constitutes style in regards to speaking, writing, and advertising. We’ve all heard that one key to good style is clarity, but that could just mean making your words succinct and easily understood. Even though there are countless books on the rules of style the rules themselves, aside from those which are about grammar, should be sought after by writers as guidelines instead of commandments etched in stone. Perhaps this could explain why so many instances of un-stylistic writing (practically thousands in the English language alone) still maintain their capacity to convey a direct and proper meaning.
For a moment consider the commercials and other advertisements transmitted on televisions across the globe. Some of them are captivating and others are downright hilarious. We might even agree that the majority is straight rubbish, but have we ever stopped to consider, maybe all of this is part of their ploy? Commercials have become so extravagant they contain themselves like mini-cinema. Yet aside from all the bells and whistles the underlying point in advertising is always to sell the product.
When a commercial is written the notions of good or bad style may be irrelevant as long as the advertisement impresses the viewer. There is a particular Skittles candy t.v. ad whose approach to style and presentation raises some questions about lasting impressions. Leaving a lasting impression is crucial for all commercials. It stays in the mind and should persuade the consumer towards the product. By creating a stylish ad, one that you will remember, the company basically has its foot in your door.
The t.v. ad by Skittles © Candy Company called “Warp the Rainbow, Taste the Rainbow” could be deemed un-stylistic, especially in terms of clarity, but it still maintains an outstanding impression upon me. However the ad’s impression does not persuade me to want the product. Instead the commercial is a single incomprehensible scene entirely outrageous and perplexing. It would seem the ad compensated clarity for complex absurdity in the presentation of their message. Perhaps the advertisers thought that such absurdity would impress its audience positively. On the contrary I find the ad to be very unconvincing and off-putting too. I intend to use an analysis of this ad to show that style has two main components: clarity as well as the effectiveness of the message (lasting impressions).
As was previously mentioned; many books on style and grammar exist. Style in speech has been studied since the time of the rhetoricians in ancient Greece. In the cannons of ancient Rhetoric style is known as the third canon and according to contemporary authors Sharon Crowley and Debra Hawhee, “style can be distinguished from grammar, which is the study of the ordinary use of language”. (pg. 229) In rhetoric the study of style is that of the unusual uses for words and also the combination of arranging words unusually. The rhetoricians devoted an entire canon to style and Crowley and Hawhee have written a chapter in their book, Ancient Rhetorics for Contemporary Students, comprising the most able-bodied points about style. Some of which unearth fascinating depths on how communication, such as in advertising, is received and transmitted today.
According to Crowley and Hawhee the rhetoricians concerned themselves with clarity and correctness of speech, but the topic of style had more to do with appropriateness and ornamentation. (pg. 232) In other words, like in advertising, style is the ability of effective persuasion. Style indicates words that are chosen carefully so as to convince the reader of the text’s point of view. For ancient rhetoricians there are generally three levels which style can be contained; grand, middle, and plain. I would consider Skittles’ commercial “Warp the Rainbow” to be of grand style based on its bloated use of grandeur imagery and text to create complexity and abstraction. What could be more ornate about a man aging rapidly because his roommate eats his skittles? The very idea is counterintuitive to reality and therefore an unconvincing scene to identify with.
The slogan itself “warp the rainbow, taste the rainbow” is so excessively abstract that no literal meaning can come from it. Even figuratively one might be puzzled in deriving a stable metaphorical meaning for the slogan. One thing that the viewer can affirm is that Skittles are highly sought after by the man with glasses; thereby barely fulfilling the sell point amidst the confusion of the commercial’s other actions.
The Skittles ad is also wrought with ironic imagery and dialogue. Crowley and Hawhee note that irony is among the figures of thought (or sentia) that arouse emotion and is also a figure commonly used in advertisement. Figures that arouse emotion, in the rhetoric sense, equate to the inventiveness or quality of persuasion from a speaker. (pg.252) Irony can be considered very basic or highly complex. The basic level being that an audience understands the contrary of what was expressed. Looking at the main cause and effect of the Skittles’ commercial the irony could be that the ingestion of skittles speeds up time. Certainly this proves Skittles candies to be a very dangerous food and should make consumers very cautious. On the contrary Skittles’ intention must be the exact opposite; they should want the consumer to enjoy their candy. This basic level of irony is portrayed by Skittles very cryptically and puts into question its effectiveness of persuasion.
Another trope, among the sentia that arouse emotion, prevalent in the Skittles ad is the use of metaphor. A common attribute of both irony and metaphor is that new knowledge is gained. This would prove to be beneficial for ads on television, but it can also be distracting when cast in certain ways. Humor, for instance, can often overshadow the meaning of a message.
Sometimes humor only persuades the viewer to note the comedy and not the actual point of the ad. Perhaps this is the case with the presentation of the commercial’s hourglass metaphor. On the surface what viewers learn is quite contrary to the main point of selling the product; when eaten Skittles have the capacity to diminish life rather than help sustain it. In this respect the humor and irony befuddle the selling point of the ad. Even when the slogan appears, as a metaphor, it is open to interpretation. Such open-endedness leaves the viewer with nothing gained causing the commercial to make a weak impression.
While the context of the metaphor may be remiss due to its open-endedness its actual prose follows what ancient rhetoricians like Aristotle suggested as stylistic in terms of metaphor use. Aristotle believed that metaphors should be taken from two main sources: those that appealed to beauty and those appealing to the human senses. (pg. 260) Skittle’s “taste the rainbow” adheres to both concepts since it is asking the audience to experience the taste of something that most people find visually stunning, or beautiful to look at. In this context of prose, separate from the plot of “Warp the Rainbow”, the audience can identify more with the message of the metaphor.
As a metaphor the Skittles’ slogan is an effective way to incite consumer’s to buy their candy even though their “Warp the Rainbow” ad, which I have analyzed according to ancient rhetoric figures and terms, seems to ultimately falter in style. The commercial is too complex and abstract for the audience to hold on to any semblance of a message. Also its ornament and arrangement of scenes (and slogan) is too hard to follow. Therefore its lasting impression is that of curiosity and not strong conviction about the candy.
While it may be apparent that the ad is about Skittles candies, its use of irony and metaphor do little to persuade the audience in favor of the product. Therefore in spite of its grand style the commercial’s actual message flies right over the heads of its viewers. So, of all the catacombs on style and its appropriate use, two fundamental concepts have emerged through their lack of attention in the Skittles’ ad. One concept is clarity, but the other is its compliment; persuasion. Without effective persuasion an audience cannot cohesively identify with the message or point of view for a text, scene, or speech. Clarity and persuasion are the utmost necessary attributes for effective style in any mode of presentation; hopefully more writers, as well as advertisers, will take notice and pay more attention to these notions.
Bibliography
Crowley, Sharon and Debra Hawhee. Ancient Rhetorics for Contemporary Students.
Second Edition. Boston: Allyn and Bacon, 1999.
Skittles commercial: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CdZe6A7RBgI&feature=related
